The four buckets of feedback
Last week we talked about the trap of feedback. But what can we do with the feedback that we receive anyway, whether we asked for it or not?
What do we do with the performance reviews, with the personal development plans, with the ‘here’s what you need to improve’ type of recommendations?
We take them for what they are: a mix of other people’s conscious or unconscious attempts to interfere with our energy. We ground, cleanse and protect our energy and then we look at what comes to us and we divide it into a few buckets.
The first bucket is for things we simply throw out. We don’t need to spend too much time thinking about it. If Auntie Jolie thinks I should get married instead of travelling the world and if what I truly desire right now is to travel the world, I shouldn’t concern myself with what Auntie Jolie thinks.
The second bucket will be filled with feedback related to the work that we do. Let’s say I get told I need to be more detail- oriented at work. I am normally not a detail-oriented person, I am a big-picture person. So what I am getting told is that I am in the wrong job for my strengths.
As I take some time to think about how to deal with this, I find that I can:
Change my job immediately.
Stick with my job for a while and see if the increased detail- oriented feature is something I can sort out. I can spend some energy trying to do that for a while or find creative ways around it. Maybe I can hire an assistant who is detail- oriented and have that person cover for my lack of that skill. Or maybe I can ask for different projects that will require less attention to detail...; or
I can actually try to become a detail-oriented person even though this is not who I really am. Doing this will deplete my energy because it goes against who I am. I can train myself to be ok with it for a while, but it will never be my natural strength so I will commit myself to a path of mediocrity. I will never excel at it. I will spend a lot of energy trying to ‘fix’ something perceived as a weakness in me instead of flying with my strengths. Not a winning strategy.
The third bucket is for the things we have heard and that have touched us. We might have asked for feedback or it may have come to us unexpectedly, but something that we have heard has touched us. First of all we need to check if it is real. Where did the feedback come from? Did it come from a person whose energy is as high or higher than ours? Not higher in absolute comparisons, because everyone’s energy is unique, but in terms of how much they are in touch with their power base. If it comes from a higher vibration, it may actually be beneficial for us. Then we need to check what exactly it touched inside us. Did it hit my insecurities? My self-doubt? My guilt? What was my energy response when it touched me? Did my body contract? Did my energy go down?
If any of these symptoms are present, the feedback is actually touching a point of illusion or trauma inside me. It’s not real. It does not touch the core of my truth. It only touches some points or little pockets of unconsciousness in me. It points me to what I still need to work with inside me; to heal. If this is the case, the best I can do is to use the feedback to do some work on those aspects I need to heal. I can do this through meditation, visualisation, the ho’oponopono technique, through talking to a therapist or whatever takes my fancy. I spend some time with this issue and see what inside of me needs to be healed.
And then there is a fourth bucket. This is for feedback that has touched a chord inside and that feels real. I have checked and it’s not touching a place of fear, of contraction, but a place of opening, of relaxation, of expansion. A place of Truth. I hear it and I have neither good nor bad feelings. I hear it and I know it’s true. I may not know how exactly it is true but I recognise the vibration of truth.
Some feedback that initially fell into the third bucket, i.e. that generated a strong emotional response in me initially, can actually belong here as well. That’s because once the initial emotion it stirred is settled, we recognise it as true. Whether the vibration of truth comes to us immediately or after a while, know that it always points to valuable feedback.
And this is the only type of feedback worth keeping and committing to working on.